


stuck in limbo

by buzuki



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Drabble, F/F, Reincarnation, i know i should've made a star or moon reference in the summary.. im sorry, this is just 1k of yong's thoughts so dont expect too much lol, very very vaguely inspired by the mv teaser
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-08-27 17:59:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16707322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzuki/pseuds/buzuki
Summary: She was a flower blooming in the deadliest of winters, a simple sign of hope. Hope for Yongsun, hope for Yongsun’s kind and most important of it all, hope for the future.





	1. Chapter 1

Surprisingly, it’s the chilly night air is what makes her rethink her decision, not the growing self-pity in her gut. She snuggles closer into her leather jacket, huffing exasperatedly. In normal conditions, running away like that wouldn’t be something she would do. She’s a believer after all, she has sworn to the alliance. But even after all those years, who would be able to argue that her decision is the wrong one? After all those running away and hiding, falling in and out of love with the same person, finding and losing over and over again.

She’s sick of it.

The night air is chilly, but she has fire within. She is a weapon, a remedy to the war they’ve fought so courageously in. Mere mortals aren’t aware of any of it. She’s -they are- silent, and for centuries it was okay. She liked the calmness she resided in, she loved to follow her person from the shadows, taking in every little detail about them, engraving them to her endless memory. For hundreds of years it was fine, until she met her, until she was cursed.

An old tale tells the story of one of her kind that fell for a human. Yongsun never was fascinated by it, she only read it once, during her early years as a creature. What a fool, she had thought back then, who would fall in love? And with a weak human of all beings. Those humans with their small worlds, their insignificant desires and limited lives wasted in boxes. What a bore.

But then she came along, her own human. She was a flower blooming in the deadliest of winters, a simple sign of hope. Hope for Yongsun, hope for Yongsun’s kind and most important of it all, hope for the future. Byulyi was her name and Yongsun will never be the same after her.

But will there be a time where Yongsun can name after her? It’s a cycle, it never ends and goes on and on and on until the eternity will doom them. Even though only Yongsun knows this, even though she now understands that the ancient story from before was their story. Yongsun sometimes wonders what would happen if only she had realized it sooner, if only she could’ve remembered a little sooner. Would it be enough? What even is enough? Is it she and Byulyi together? Is it her finding Byulyi immortal like her, devoid of all mundane things like a house, a job and most significantly, death? Or is it only her forgetting Byulyi ever existed? Is it her forgetting that lucky moment their eyes first met, thousands of years ago but memory still fresh in Yongsun’s mind as if it’s seared by the scorching hot flames? The memory twirls around Yongsun’s head, each moment she shared with the woman she’s been looking for does and Yongsun hates herself for it.

She hates it, she hates Byulyi and she hates the world and the sun, moon and the countless stars in the night skies that gave life to them. Byulyi had always been the lucky one between us, she thinks bitterly, she had the luxury to forget, die a peaceful death and be born again in a brand-new life to open arms of a family full of love. Then there’s Yongsun who’s so very lonely, who’s still hiding in the night, who can’t even end her life, let alone forget. Even though she wants to carve her mind out and erase every single memory she has with Byulyi. Because she knows, oh how well she knows, the happy ones will lead up to even happier ones and then everything will fall into darkness one day when she least expects it. It’ll either be a lifeless body, still warm like the blood that’s leaking towards the carpet, or it’ll be an escapade planned clumsily and urgently by one of them who couldn’t take the weight of what their blurry future will bring anymore.

Yongsun has lived through them all, lived every single possibility, every single lifetime that this hurricane of a life could bring to them. The worst part of it all is that if someone would give a chance to Yongsun to end it all, her misery, her sufferance with the sole condition of not seeing Byulyi ever again, even in heaven or hell or whatever that is awaiting them beyond this, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to do it. She is there, in a time where nothing makes sense anymore but she’s also there where their eyes first met, where their lips whispered sweet nothings and where she gave her life to Byulyi, never to be able to get it back. She’s living all those simultaneously, and it is too much. It is a high she can never give up on, it kills her and gives her life at the same time like drowning in the water that’s supposed to be an essential part of her. She wants to combust, cry out and scream at the world, at her curse of never dying, never waking up from this monotonous series of nightmares. But she’s aware that it would be in vain, all is in vain after the thousand years she spent chasing after someone who will forget.

She sighs in frustration, she can’t give up and she can’t give in. Then what can she do now? Yongsun spots a taxi nearby and stops it, getting in to temporarily escape from the coldness of the night.

She’ll try to not be affected so much if a mirage of Byulyi appears beside her.

Once upon a time, she was Yongsun before all this, with hopes and dreams and her own life inside her own box.

Yongsun leans her head to the window, she’s cursed anyway.


	2. what’s this place (if you’re not here)

It’s a Sunday when she falls.

Yongsun utters something about the first snow and chuckles oh so gently into Byulyi’s ear and—

Byulyi had always thought that it would be quick, a direct shot to the heart. She had always believed that it would sting, love stories always ended with pain anyway. Yet it wasn’t any of those things she expected, but something calming, like a quiet night passed reading, comfortably wrapped in blankets or a fresh spring breeze filled with flowery scent from God knows where. The feeling has a certain familiarity that Byulyi’s surprised to discover. It found place in her heart almost immediately, like there was a place made just for the love she’s harboring for the other woman.

It’s too much honestly.

There’s this magnetic pull whenever Yongsun glances over at her like there is this force trying to push them closer together. She catches her eyes, challenges her to hold the contact for a little more every time. And it goes on, for longer and longer each time.

And Byulyi is afraid.

She’s afraid that Yongsun’s addicting stare burns, she’s afraid that she’s craving for more but the other woman is startled whenever she comes too close. This kills Byulyi, this disproportion between her perception and reality. It makes her wonder if it’s all happening at a glass kingdom inside her head, threatening to break at the gentlest of touches. 

They are running around in the empty corridors, as if they’re the players of a never-ending game of tag in which none of them ever wins. Byulyi steps closer, making Yongsun back down. Yongsun’s hands almost catch Byulyi’s slim figure but she misses by an inch, desperately grasping air instead. Byulyi foolishly lets her carry on with this push and pull. They are on a seesaw, but neither side outweighs. Their fear is in a ruthless battle with their desire, only casualties are their bruised feelings.

Yongsun is a mirage she can never get near. Each time she feels Yongsun’s eyes on herself dipped with heavy yearning she wonders if that’s really the first time they’ve met. The moment stretches between seconds and becomes infinity, becomes so much more than Byulyi can understand with her mere conscience. Every word that’s muttered breathlessly, almost shy under the afternoon sun or every curve of Yongsun’s red painted lips feels so divine that Byulyi is sure there’s more, there’s more to this life somewhere else because Byulyi is certain that she’s only borrowing some of Yongsun, stealing her restricted lifespan. There should be something greater than their time on this world.

Yet she wants more. She hates that she’s so greedy, it absolutely disgusts her that she wants all of Yongsun. She feels like she has found a treasure that she doesn’t want to let go of. She doesn’t understand but she shudders when she feels Yongsun’s feather-like touch, so tender that she thinks that the brunette believes that she’ll fall to pieces if she puts a little bit more pressure.   

It’s a Monday when she confesses.

They are sitting side by side on Byulyi’s couch, a position that they’ve been in countless of times. But this time Byulyi can feel that something’s wrong, she can see with the corner of her eye that Yongsun’s on the edge. The older does that sometimes. She gets lost in a reality where Byulyi will never get to be a part of, conquering worlds that only exist inside her head. They are both so distant from the movie that’s playing in the background, one examining the other and the other examining something unexplainable. But Yongsun looks beautiful even if she’s not telling her something, even if she seems so ready to leave at the snap of a finger. 

It’s a scary thought, Byulyi reasons, Yongsun leaving, Yongsun not finding her way back this time. The weighty feeling in her heart grows and almost stops Byulyi from breathing. So, she turns to Yongsun, not because she’s the only person around but because she’s the only person that can help.

It rolls of her tongue in a silent plead as if to say don’t go, don’t leave me again.

“I love you.”

Yongsun’s lips part in shock, but her eyes display a completely different emotion. She appears almost angry, lightings inside her pupils.

She coldly turns away and hugs herself, looking all too helpless for a moment.

“You don’t get to say that.” She replies in anguish, “You don’t get to decide this when you’re not going to be the one suffering the consequences.”

Byulyi just simply stares back in confusion. What is it that she’s missing, what is it that she doesn’t remember?

“Yongsun I—"

She gasps with a loud shutter and all of a sudden she sees Yongsun in pain, broken along with the vase she threw at the wall.

“You aren’t… You can’t die again! Do you understand? I thought I could do this, I—” She puts her head between her hands, she looks exhausted, “I can’t take this anymore, Byulyi.”

She tries to grab her arm as Yongsun walks out of the door but she can’t stop her. It’s like she can’t even reach her.

And it’s a Monday when the end begins.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter title from this song!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmXnuD-JpOs)

**Author's Note:**

> so, i wrote this in like half an hour so even im not really sure what the actual plot is... but, you can come and scream at me and we can discuss what happened to them here on [twitter](https://twitter.com/buzukiff) or here on  
> [curiouscat!](https://curiouscat.me/buzukiff)  
> (pls do im very friendly c:)


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